so as you may or may not know, currently when KAS performs a birth family search and locates who they presume to be your parent(s), they send them a registered mail informing them that their son/daughter is searching for them.
KAS says they do this, rather than attempting to contact the parent directly through phone call or personal meeting, in order to protect the parent’s privacy. however, identification is NOT needed to receive or refuse this registered mail. so, not only does this NOT protect anyone’s privacy since clearly someone other than the intended recipient can sign for or refuse it, it is unable to be verified that the intended recipient even received it. in addition, if KAS receives no response, they assume the parent is rejecting a reunion with their son/daughter. this is clearly a problem because 1) they can’t even be sure that the parent received the mail 2) contact should be carried out so that it is presumed that a reunion is wanted unless the parent actively responds that they do not want a reunion, why must inaction be presumed to be a negative response when there are so many unverifiable factors that could’ve led to inaction?
it is further infuriating because i heard today that sara yun who works at KAS told an adoptee today that she thinks her parents aren’t ready to meet her yet because the registered mail to them was refused. that is NOT something you say carelessly to an adoptee when you can’t even verify that they received the letter and were the ones that refused it. there are several scenarios that would make it possible for someone else not the parent to refuse the registered mail (new spouse, other child, grandparent - esp in cases where grandparent sent the child for adoption, which was/is often the case).
you dont fucking tell an adoptee that their parents arent ready to meet them unless you are good and damn well sure that the parent feels that way. that would involve actually CONTACTING said parent personally.
so, long story short - if any of you have heard that your birth family “rejected” a reunion, i would check on how exactly that conclusion was made.
@hey-its-savvy thanks for the kind words~ if you were adopted in the 80’s (as i was), the chances that your mom was an unwed mom is 80% or more. if you were adopted in the 90’s, the chances that your mom was an unwed mom is 90% or more.
as for how to search, i’ve posted on this here before (just linking since long-time followers have already seen it). hope this helps, please let me know if you have other questions! and good luck~
(shared with permission)
bleedingguyliner i am always happy to hear from my fellow adoptees and honored that this space is a space where adoptees feel that their experiences are reflected and acknowledged. thank you for sharing your own story. sharing adoptee voice and adoptee experiences is really the best way to change the discourse on adoption and raise awareness on the unethical practices of adoption agencies.