Tales of Wonderlost

I'm a Korean-American adoptee living in Seoul, just finished my MA in Anthropology (yes, i took all of my classes in Korean TT). In my spare time, I volunteer at two great organizations: Korean Unwed Mothers' Families Association (KUMFA) and the Women's Global Solidarity Action Network (WGSAN) - a group that works on various issues, including with the survivors of military sexual slavery during WWII ("Comfort Women"). I also love cooking and baking and going to the noraebang ^^ To make a monthly donation to the Korean Unwed Mothers' Families Association, please click below!!
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Posts tagged "adoption"

"Even so, Morrison concedes that more unwed mothers are choosing to keep their children. "This is one good part of the SAL," he says. "However, I am not convinced that the unwed mothers are necessarily the best parents."

this is steve morrison of mpak (mission to promote adoption in korea), by the way. disgusting. but on the other hand, at least he outright articulates his discrimination against unwed moms. it’s almost better than those who, under the mantra of feminism no less, wax on and on about their “earnest desire” to “protect” unwed moms by making it seem natural that she should give up her child for adoption and giving her the easiest way possible to do it. no, that is steeped in prejudice only serving to reaffirm to moms in a desperate moment that theres a reason that society discriminates against them and again under the mantra of feminism providing ways to separate women from their children as fact and effectively as possible. fuck this discrimination cloaked in faux feminism. my feminism says women have the right to raise their children regardless of their marital status. my feminism says mothers don’t need to give up their children to meet the standards of society but that society needs to change to accept all kinds of mothers. my feminism says money or marital status does not give you greater right to raise another woman’s child.

Korea Adoption Services is hiring for a full-time PR position and they’re even giving preference to adoptees! Does that mean they’ve finally started to understand that adoptee perspectives are important when it comes to adoption. Trying to be optimistic, for more info, click the link!

this illustrates a lot of what’s fucked up with the state of adoption today. poor (brown) people don’t have the right to parent their own children. but middle class (white) people have the right to fundraise to take and raise their children. and adoption agencies are laughing all the way to the bank.

looking for a couple of adoptees who are NOT from the US who would be willing to share their adoption experience and talk about the differences in adoption experiences/attitudes in europe, australia, canada, etc. you will be speaking on a panel for training for koroot volunteers so that they are better equipped to understand and work with adoptees. 

date: sept. 19th (fri) 6-8pm
location: koroot (near gyeongbokgung station - line 3)
misc: small honorarium will be given to panelists

please let me know if you’re interested!

i’m not going to call them social welfare services anymore, they’re a business pure and simple - thinking about profits before children. 

translation:

Along with Holt, all three adoption agencies (Korean Social Welfare Services [SWS}, Eastern Social Welfare Society) have been found to have violated the Special Adoption Law which requires agencies to give priority to finding domestic adoptive families before pursuing international adoption as an option. The Ministry of Welfare stated that they have taken administrative measures such as issuing warnings to address these violations. 

According to the “Adoption agency Inspection report” received by New Politics Alliance for Democracy Party representative Nam Yoon In-soon on August 31st, it was found that SWS had violated the prioritizing of domestic adoption a total of 108 times and Eastern was guilty of 1 violation since the Special Adoption Law went into effect in August 2012. 

According to the Special Adoption Law, adoption agencies can pursue international adoption only after they have first tried to find domestic adoptove parents for children for at least 150 days. This provision was made after taking into consideration the identity issues that international adoptees face. 

This inspection was carried out by the Ministry as a follow-up measure, after three year-old adoptee named Hyunsu died this February after being beaten by his adoptive father. The special inspection run first on Holt, who was the adoption agency in Hyunsu’s case, found Holt to have violated the Special Adoption Law’s domestic adoption prioritization in 17 cases (14.8%). 

Aside from this, SWS was found to have violated the mandatory 7-day consideration period (41 cases) and the background check (94 cases) provisions as well. Eastern was found to have violated the 7-day consideration period (10 cases) and background check (82 cases) provisions, as well as domestic post adoption services (5 cases) provision. 

In order to ensure that the birth parents have sufficient time to consider their options before deciding to relinquish for adoption, the Special Adoption Law’s consideration period provision mandates that the adoption process cannot begin until after one week from the date of the child’s birth. There are also provisions for background checks for prospective adoptive parents - inspections must be carried out at least twice after parents have applied for adoption, Including random inspections, and background checks should be carried out of their family, workplace, and neighbors. 

According to someone related to SWS, “There was a lot of confusion when the Special Adoption Law was first implemented since the Ministry of Health and Welfare did not provide proper guidelines. We are currently making efforts to abide by all of the SAL provisions.” 

Representative Nam Yoon In-soon said, “Since the Ministry did not carry out an inspection after the implementation of the SAL to check whether the agencies were abiding by the provisions as they should have, they bear a large responsibility for this problem. The provisions to prioritize domestic adoption and give an ample consideration period for birth families must be ensured.”

THIS. this is exactly why white parents of children of color can NOT pretend that racism doesn’t exist. it is your job to understand and prepare your child for the racism they WILL face and you will need help from a larger community that actually has experienced that racism, which is why you are irresponsible if you have made no efforts to connect your child with their ethnic community:

"Still, "we never talked about race growing up," Landau tells his mother, Patsy Hathaway, on a visit to StoryCorps. "I just don’t think that was ever a conversation."

"I thought that love would conquer all and skin color really didn’t matter," Hathaway says. "I had to learn the really hard way when they almost killed you."

That was in 2009, when Landau, then a college student, was stopped by Denver police officers and severely beaten.”

I'm so angry. So I'm black, and my siblings are too, but my parents (adoptive) are white, right? And every time I bring up something about racism, my mom goes off on how she can't be blamed for all the bad things white people have done, or that I should stop bringing race into it, and stuff like that. I'm honestly feeling so attacked in my own home and I don't know how to deal with it. I know it's not that bad sounding but it sucks. And she knows how strongly I feel about racism.
peaceshannon peaceshannon Said:

sarahjhuynh:

amazing-how-you-love:

i-wish-i-was—beautiful:

afiqahzakwans:

sourcedumal:

kyssandrith:

karnythia:

toucher:

karnythia:

toucher:

I usually agree with 100% of what this page does, but imagine how your mom feels? Like, I would imagine she adopted you guys in hopes that she’d at least feel connected to you guys as family despite the separation of race. It probably makes her uncomfortable speaking about it, and she probably understands how important it is to you. However, she might just want you to stop because she feels just as attacked.

Yes because white privilege includes never having to confront any uncomfortable parts of reality! And certainly as an adult it’s never your responsibility as a parent to do the hard work so that your kids can have their needs met. Oh wait, none of that is true! Now please shut the entire fuck up.

Listen, don’t fucking look for trouble going through the notes. It’s obvious that you did. Secondly, it was rebuttal to the asker, NOT YOU, and your dumb ass passive aggressive tone was not necessary. Finally, don’t fucking tell me about white privilege because I don’t have it, and as humans, everyone has to face with the uncomfortable parts of reality.Now  get your special snowflake, angry about every thing in life, wanna-be activist ass OFF my blog.

Fuck you. Your bullshit prioritizing of the adult’s feelings over the child’s and your antiblack logic. I promise you I have no problem reading ignorant ill raised asshats like you for the filth that you are & apparently want to stay. You read the notes looking for trouble and now you’ve found it! Yaay! I hope you get everything in life that people as shitty as you deserve.

So… white adult gaslights their black adoptive child on matters of racism, and black adoptive child gets told to “just think about her feelings.”

That doesn’t sound like abusive dynamics at all.

…No wait. It does. And it is.

This is why I don’t trust white folks adopting poc children at all.

They do nothing to prepare themselves or their children for the realities of white supremacy and how it affects ALL LEVELS OF THEIR LIVES.

And then these children have literally no defenses against it. They often come out on that New Black mentality and when the racism finally comes around and slaps them in the face, they have no place for support.

Why blame the whole race or the whole community when the ones who is creating trouble is just the minority. Dont do that. Dont be that person. Those feelings of hate and angry might get you somewhere you wouldnt want to be in .

Because that’s essentially what social justice warriors on Tumblr do. They’d rather a kid not have a home at all than get adopted by a person of a different race because of things like this right here. There are quite a few of them who’d be happy to see all white people commit suicide, let me tell you. And if you’re a POC and don’t agree with them, you’re a traitor.

The both of you need to shut the fuck up. If you knew anything about the lives of transracial adoptees and fosterees you’d know that:
A) this white mother is typical, and it gets way worse as time goes on
B) because of the ignorance of white parents, the internet is one of the few places transracial adoptees/fosterees can have our voices heard
C) the ‘would you rather have been left in a ditch’ rhetoric is a myth used to shut down any criticism we have of white supremacy or the adoption industrial complex.
Before you continue spreading your ignorant opinions, do some fucking research. That doesn’t mean continue to read white parents’ pov or mistake anyone who disagrees with you and white supremacy as “sjws.” What it means is listen to/read any of the comments by actual transracial adoptees in the comments, read our blogs, fucking educate yourself or shut the fuck up.

This was a submission about a transracial adoptee feeling uncomfortable and attacked in her own home because her adoptive mother refuses to acknowledge racism and yet a bunch of whiny assholes are trying to shut her down because how dare she look to her mother for guidance and support. How are you even a fucking parent if you put your own feelings before your child’s? 

oh my god, read the whole thread. this is EXACTLY the type of bullshit that transracial adoptees have to face ALL THE TIME. the adoptee is being real about the racism that she faces as a black adoptee and that her white mother ignores and the people telling her she should try to think about it from her adoptive mother’s point of view - so fucking infuriating. HOW ABOUT THE WHITE MOM SHOULD HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT FROM HER POINT OF VIEW. oh wait, the impetus is on adoptees because we should be grateful that we were even adopted! it’s alllllll in there. perfect perfect thread of the bullshit we deal with.

to adoptive parents who feel no moral issues with posting the private stories and histories of their adopted children and their first families (some even making money off it from writing books and sponsored blogs to photo exhibitions, etc.), take note: it is never ok without express, informed consent. and as the article points out, no a child of 6, 10, 14 (esp one who has internalized the need to feel grateful) cannot give informed consent about having their private histories open to the public. if you don’t think your child is old enough to manage their own SNS account, then you acknowledge they don’t fully understand how permanant and public it can be and therefore are unable to make an informed decision about what they are putting online. until they are of the age that you believe they can do that, you should realize they can’t give informed consent to you either. once they’re of the age they can give informed consent, it is then THEIR decision and THEIR story to tell, NOT yours.

"Had the Internet been so easy (type, point, click!) when my children were growing up, I could have posted some great stories that other parents could have learned from and perhaps admired. I would have been wrong to do so, especially as an adoptive parent. I would have been wrong to sacrifice, eternally and publicly, my children’s privacy and their personal stories for the sake of Internet strangers.

Making money from it would have been even more sordid.

My becoming a mother meant my children had to lose the family into which they were born. Regardless of how we might be tempted to assess the quality of life with and without the original family, it is a significant loss. It reverberates through childhood and adolescence, right into adulthood. Not only did they lose their original family, they often also lost the physical resemblance, the heritage, the family stories, the knowledge of genetic and medical issues, the siblings, the grandparents: all the things that we non-adopted people take for granted.

What right do I have to create further losses for my children by taking their personal histories and handing them over to strangers, via the Internet, the newspaper, or a book?And not just to thousands of strangers—what about neighbors, teachers, co-workers, future employers, future boyfriends/girlfriends?

I reject out of hand the argument that my children’s stories might help others, and so that is a good enough reason for overt public sharing. I do not believe that the benefits for strangers should be placed on the backs of our children’s stories.”

"Adoptees are accused of many things wallowing in self-pity, not being thankful for the parents and family that we were assigned via adoption, and a multitude of other sins including being ungrateful, disrespecting our adoptive parents by searching, and interrupting our biological families with our "curiosity". But, that one accusation that really really sticks in my craw is when we are accused of having a victim mentality.

I think for many adoptees we have grown weary of being told how to feel. Adoption has been painted as a win win for all parties and a wonderful way to create families for so long the under belly of adoption not been revealed. Adoption is steeped in mystery, secrets, and lies especially considering the history of the closed records system and the propaganda of the profitable industry of adoption.

Loss is loss. You don’t tell someone who lost a leg be thankful for their prosthetic, or tell someone who has lost one kidney to be glad still have one left, or someone who lost a child that they have others to be thankful for. Even IF there is some reason to be thankful for that it doesn’t diminish the initial trauma and loss. Loss, is loss, is loss, is loss and will always BE loss. Some losses are greater than others certainly. We can measure and compare them, but they are all still loss. Yes, what we do with it makes the difference but that will never erase the initial loss.”